5 Things You Learn Working With Your Partner

As you may have guessed -- I have not, in fact, been living completely by myself in the woods (so yes, not quite as "On Walden Pond" as I'd like to come off). I do have a work partner who also happens to be my 'partner-partner' - yes indeed, like all my HGTV idols, I took the plunge and decided to significantly blur the lines between work and play by living and working with my boyfriend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Before this job, we were your average normal couple: same home but separate careers. On your average day pre-Bowron, between work, traffic, gym and friends, we'd probably spend 4 waking hours together. Go from that to being together 24 hours a day... Every. Single. Damn. Day... and you've got yourself a drastically different type of relationship. After 4 months, we've had some high highs as well as some tough (and tense) lows. I don't know entirely what I expected but here are 5 things I've learnt about working with my partner. 1.) The 'private' you is very different from the 'professional' you. No matter how long you've been together, if you haven't already worked together, you will discover a whole new side of your partner. I'd imagine that this was more obvious from my boyfriend's perspective than my own - you see, I am a chronic worrier at work. I overstressed and over-anticipate anything that can go wrong regardless of external pressure. This means that even in the middle of the woods, surrounded by nature and peace, I still have the tendency to stress out over 'my performance'. This sent my calm, laid back boyfriend for a loop for our first few months out here and it took more time than I'm willing to admit for me to chill the f$&@ out. 2.) Your relationship strengths may not be your professional strengths. For those who know me, you know that I talk a lot. For those of you who know my boyfriend, you know that he talks even more than me. With that in mind, communication has never been an issue for us -- if we did something to piss the other off we'd say something. But when we began working together, a funny thing happened: our relationship communication failed to translate into basic, step-by-step communication needed to lift a 60 lb wheelbarrow out of a boat or jig-and-pull an outhouse down a hill. After a few high-stake fails (and when you're moving an outhouse, you know that the stakes are pretty damn high), we've definitely over-corrected the problem: picture two park operators communicating their every move down to the smallest of details, ie "I am going to step back two feet, then two feet right. Then, and only then, will I gently place the front of a wheelbarrow on the beach". Yes, it's a terribly awkward thing to watch (especially if we're the first people that a solo paddler has seen in 3 days on the circuit) but, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, ie, be awkward until it becomes natural. 3.) Chivalry has no place at work - if it's not equal, it's not going to work Yes, it's nice when your partner holds open the door for you but if my boyfriend held out his hand for me everytime I had to get in and out of the boat....well, we'd never get off the damn lake. Being chivalrous has its place in a relationship but for us, the key to working together is to put in an equal amount of effort. This means no more 'Oh baby, can you just do it for me?'. Instead, it means sharing the heavy lifting, doing my part in the dirty work and getting my own damn self out of the damn boat. 4.) You (and by you, I mean me) will have to learn not to be so damn sensitive. Let's just admit it right here, right now: your friends can get away with saying a lot of things that your partner couldn't even dream of uttering. Your best friend telling you that an outfit looks terrible is a COMPLETELY different situation than if your boyfriend were to say the exact same thing. Unfortunately, when you work and live together, your partner will eventually have to tell you that you're doing something wrong or how you could do something better *gasp*. Instead of responding with your knee-jerk "HOW DARE YOU?"... just stop for a moment and think about how you would react if your colleague or friend said the exact same thing? Yes, things get messy with feelings involved but if this is going to work, then you've got to work to reign in all those lovely sensitivities that come with a relationship. 5.) You can't afford to stay mad at each other for very long This was very obvious very early on in our Bowron experience: the success of our working life hinged upon the success of our relationship and vice-versa. Whether you own a business with your partner or have decided (like a crazy person) to take an insane job in the middle of the woods for the summer with them -- if there's tension in your relationship, that will translate to your work. In both situations (and especially if you're in the middle of nowhere), your options for storming off in a huff after a fight are VERY limited. Sometimes, in the name of self-preservation and survival, instead of having a tantrum, you'll just have to suck it up, take a breath, and get over your tantrum like a damn adult. To be honest, working with your partner isn't for everyone -- for instance if you're one of those intolerable people who refuse to admit to your boyfriend that you poop (the shame!), then I wouldn't recommend spending every working moment together. But, if you share a passion and are willing to compromise, learn, and grow together, there's no reason why you can't be both #workgoals and #relationshipgoals. Because at the end of the day, if you can dig an outhouse together, who knows what else you can do?